King of The Hill! Round 2!

Due to the last thread disappearing into th e Bermuda Triangle. I have made a second King of The Hill.

Rules:
1: Posts must be more then 1 Sentence long.
2: No explicit content. I.e: I stick my..... into the hill and.... you know what I mean....
3: Posts cannot be too simple. I.e: I slap you. I TAKE THE HILL.
4: You must explain how you take out the player before you, take down his defences, and claim the hill for your self.
Let's start it off.
As the hill loads up once more. I prepare myself, armed to the teeth with nothing except a flag, and a trumpet. Then finally, the hill loads up, and I begin my charge. As I charge up the hill, I repeatedly blared a tune of Moves like Jagger while pumping my hand which is holding the flag, in the air. Finally, I made it to the top of the hill, and I slam the flag down, claiming the hill for myself.

Now it's your turn!

 

I figured I'd start classic. Waking up in another alley, I hear someone playing Maroon 5 or something? Running out, I see Darkstar plunge his flag into the ground. Before he is able to sit down on the hill, I run up and stab him in the face. Tossing his body off (heavy gawd), I desecrate the place where I stabbed him. :asshat: All over the blood. My hill bros.

 

I lay on a nearby plateau and pull out a briefcase. I open it up and stare at the contents: A barrel, a sight, and a body. I place them together to form a weapon that is banned in 27 countries: The AWP, which is probabyl the most powerful sniper rifle known to man. I load a magazine into the body of the rifle, aim down the sights, and fire. The bullet sails through the air, hitting its mark; The direct center of MrParkourGuy's flag. Startled, he flees from the hill leaving it unoccupied. I stroll up to the hill, iron out my suit, put it on, prepare a mug of tea, and sit down on MrParkourGuy's beach chair.

I then set up a chain of tea shops that completely ruins the world's economy. GGNR

 

Dapper has extremely strong defenses so the only way to beat him is to attack from the inside. He is the only one that holds his army together for all his bannermen have hostile relationships, if hes gone no one is left to hold them back. I hire jina the most skilled assassin of all. She seduces him and kills him in his sleep when his banner men's armies destroy themselves i claim the hill and set up a variety of the world most high tech defenses

 

My chair -.- u die

Like you previously stated, the best place to strike is inside. I dig into the middle of this hill and place c4 along your defenses hoping to penetrate some tech. A large boom later, I'm able to get inside and make everything explode. How so? Heh. That's a story for another time. Jumping out dramatically in slomo, everyone inside the base thing dies, but the hill remains unscathed. Grabbing my once again bloody beach chair, I open it and plop mah butt. :asshat:

 

Well, it seems you people are clever,
But I have the more genius. At my base accross the galaxy, my computers
Report your station is built on a very low-security computer system.
Using a satellite, I hack into the main database of the hill's inside and replace anything that you claim to be yours with holographic soldiers that represent myself and claim the hill.

 

I fly into space, make your computers my robots and form an army. After 20 years, I attack the hill, using my minions I take you out and claim the hill for myself, making it my super secret base.

 

Before you even get the chance to launch your attack, i throw you into an alternate reality in which you burn in a fiery inferno forever, thus the hill still being claimed as my own.

 

I play the "Transformers: Arrival to Earth" theme on a xylophone and a bunch of transformers shoot your billboard. I then equip the transformers with rapid-fire pie cannons as we defend the hill.

 

As I evacuate from my underground lab not too far from the hill on which - much without my knowledge - a violent war is taking its toll on every soldier who dares step close, I watch the sunlight scatter in strange patterns over the swamp in which I've built my settlement. I venture out on horseback, only to come to a halt as the towering monstrosities occupying the hilltop startle both my horse and myself. I watch them for hours, concluding that I will not be able to reclaim this part of my home with sheer force, nor with an army of a million men. I return to the lab to construct a contraption that will put an end to these mechanical beasts, and when I once again venture out of the settlement, I find myself armed with a little metal ball. In it sits the core of an electromagnetic pulse (or EMP if you will). In the dead of night I approach the outskirts of the swamp, and place my ingenious weapon as close to the hill as I can. It activates, sending waves strong enough to put out every street lamp in New York, and watch from my cozy hideout in the bushes as the machines come to a halt one by one. I sneak up behind tkjpie, who is busy sleeping in the comfort of the knowledge that his machines will guard him, dousing him in chloroform as I tear down his flag and replace it with my own. The settlement has been reclaimed, and I hold the land from my underground lab, which now has a tunnel right to the hill that allows quick, easy access, along with an automated turret system.

Tkjpie himself wakes up on the banks of a river in a far off cold and snowy land, unable to recall the events that led him there.

 

*throws shoe*
yay.

 

I start a flamewar on your 7billionandme site. While you're cleaning it up, I send all of the spambots from MY forum to go assault your database. As you're sifting through all of the fake accounts to figure out who's an actual person and who isn't, I take a little container out of the pocket of my tuxedo: A thermos of tea. Using a nearby palm tree and my belt, I construct a makeshift catapult. After inscribing the message "Looks like I put a DENT in your defenses" on the thermos, I load it into the catapult and fire it at your automated turrets. The tea seeps through the crevices in the machinery, short-curcuiting (Is that how you spell that?) the computer that controls them. After throwing my little sister at the turrets to make sure they're broken, I stroll up to the entrance, pull out a rope, and string it across the doorframe. Normally I would plant C4, but Artificality is far too inteligent to fall for that (and besides, why would I kill him? He's too nice of a guy ) . When Artificality wakes up, he takes a quick peek around the door. He spots my rope, makes a quick statement which basically means "Well, that's a stupid trap", and then gets hit in the face with a beach chair. I had only placed the rope to distract him while I stole MrParkourGuy's beach chair. Artificality gets up, unscathed except for a bloody nose, and shoots me a look full of amusement. I get catapulted away from the hill by his counter-trap-counter-trap, so I pull out my last nasty trick: A cup of tea. When I land (convienently near my base; Obviously that catapult should be recalibrated), I drink the tea. When the cup registers as empty, it sends a signal toi that thermos I planted earlier. It plays my pre-recorded message: "If you're hearing this, then my counter-trap to a counter-trap to a counter-trap got countered. Geez, that's a lot of counters. Anyway, I believe I've just put you in a CHECK, MATE." My hired mercenaries (whom I have dressed up in knight costumes) start charging up to the hill screaming "YOU JUST LOST THE GAME!" When they reach the top of the hill, where Artificality is still standing, the all simultaniously pull out thermoses of tea and start lobbing them at the base. Realizing they forgot to turn the thermoses into molotov cocktails, they all scream like pansies and run away. Getting tired of typing all of this, I go to Artificiality, ask him the average air-speed velocity of a coconut-laden swallow, and then throw him off of the Bridge of Death which was so convienenliy placed. I then go on to prove Black is actually White and get killed at the next zebra crossing, but that's why I have clones.

Your move.