Look, in the sky! is it a bird is it a plane, no, it's a new story!... kinda!...

Yeah Cube wouldn't let me upload the whole of the first chapter, <_< so here's a snip bit I can show you.

I REALLY need feed back on this! tell me if it's good, bad, what I could improve on and such.

So here's the first paragraph.
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She said she would only be out for an hour, that was 3 hours ago. I was sitting at the kitchen table, watching the clock tick by, hoping Taylor would return home safely. Every tick of the clock only made my worry rise. I would have gone out and looked for her for hours ago, but other people told me they would keep an eye out for her, and it was getting late. I heard the door open and I ran over hoping it was Taylor. It wasn’t. It was ISuika. “Hey Livvy” She says in the door. I frown “Hey” I say disappointed. She gives me an understanding smile. “Still no sign of Taylor?” she asks. I sigh, “No, I don’t know where she could be! She said she would only be an hour and-” I was cut off by the door slamming open behind her. I jump and look behind ISuika, it was Taylor. She had mud from head to toe, yet she had a great big smile on her face, I was happy she was home safely, yet slightly scared. “Livvy” she said, her smile growing wider, “I have to show you something I found” she says reaching in and pulling me out the door behind her.
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Taylor1211
Livvy
CubexTrain
Demon_Angel12
Holybudder
ISuika
Veggie64​

 

^_^ Sounds great and interesting. :3

 

Not to be a grammar freak. But because I'm just that guy xD
When a new character talks in a story their first words are supposed to be on a new line.

Nice story though, look forward to reading more xD

 

Moar'!

 

I'm working on it, been kinda procrastinating