Michael's Moderator Application

Suggested listening: Simple Plan - Welcome To My Life​

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I was stuck in the women's clothing section for seven hours while two females tried on so many outfits Ralph Lauren was diagnosed with priapism. Shirts, t-shirts, pants, leggings, jeggings, shorts, jorts, capris, sweaters (it's MARCH, woman!), trainers, burqas, bags... it was unbelievable. At one point I left the store, walked to the gas station and bought several of those tiny bottles of alcohol. The clerk that sold them to me said I looked like a doctor just told me I had prostate cancer.

The moment we got home I retreated to the computer room with a large drink and the surly attitude of a bear suffering from hemorrhoids. Time for some sweet stress relief.

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Nice to meet you, sir. Were the first 1233 names taken...?

Time zone: UNITED STATES

This may be exactly what I needed tonight. Thank you very much for the unintentional humor, sir. When you have a moment you may want to change this to "CST (UTC-6)".

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I read that as "O Bull Sh**" and now I cannot stop laughing. That may be the perfect name for a program that records ban evidence. +1 to you.

om nom nom nom​

Serious pause for a moment: I really enjoy doing these reviews. There's no pressure to do them "right", I can throw whatever bizarre humor comes to mind and (occasionally) someone even gets a little help. All of the fun without any repercussions? This must be how Bill Cosby felt for the last thirty years.

So that you for giving me something fun to do tonight, Michael. +1 to you. I'll leave money on the dresser.

Synonyms for 'Helpful': accessible, advantageous, applicable, conducive, constructive, convenient, cooperative, crucial, essential, favorable, friendly, important, invaluable, practical, productive, profitable, significant, suitable, supportive, sympathetic, timely, useful.

That was a helping bunch of help with a heaping helpful on the side. You really need to vary your "word diet" a bit or you are going to end up with diction deficiency.

Throw a couple synonyms into this and rephrase slightly-- or just ignore me, these reviews do not influence your chances of being promoted.

This is excellent, +1. I see exactly what you are trying to say here, sir. May I recommend a word swap? Replace "respectful" with "courteous".

Being polite or courteous is the "default mode" for communication because it doesn't prejudice the listener against your message. Whereas respect is a bit deeper; that implies you identify with the other person and admire them on some level.

I can be courteous all day long to someone I'm pretty sure was a failed back-alley abortion experiment. Respecting them is optional. Your choice either way, sir.

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Reading this paragraph made me forget how to please a woman.

This qualification does not work on multiple levels, sir. The first problem is right up top: The word is "Unbiased". There is no hyphenated 'non-biased' version. Would you non-forget something or feel non-inspired? Would you ever be non-fair?

Moving on:I highly recommend deleting your example involving "a friend scamming someone". If that actually happens you would need to immediately give that problem to another staff member: You should never be handling issues related to personal friends. This is a conflict of interest and even courtroom justices know to recuse themselves when it happens.

But that was the last cookie...​

This is more twisted than speed dating at a family reunion.

You do not seem to understand what maturity is, sir. For example in back-to-back sentences you relate that people tell you that you're mature for your age, then immediate say no-one wants a Moderator that is like 5 years old. So you don't believe young people (such as yourself) are mature enough for a staff position?

Maturity is not a Have/Have Not situation. It is more like a cup you fill over time by acting and speaking in acceptable ways. Occasionally you can pour some out-- like making a couple inappropriate jokes-- but as long as you don't empty the entire cup you are probably OK. Age is irrelevant.

Recommendation: Replace this with something like "Reliable" or "Responsible" and then give examples of things you do in your life that demonstrate those traits. I do not think you have a good handle on this particular topic, sir.

^See above. I always recommend removing traits like "mature" and "honest" because you cannot prove this by talking about it. ("Trustworthy" is a synonym of "Honest"). Replace this with something you can show examples of: "Responsible" and "Diligent" are good ones. These are things you can provide real-life examples of.

ARGH​

Do not disqualify yourself in your own application. "Positive attitude: I try to have a positive attitude" made me walk outside and jump into traffic.

The rest of this trait is mostly OK but please remove contradictory statements: This is your application, only put good things about yourself here. No-one hires an optimist that can't even claim to be optimistic all the time.

My pedantic soul dies a little every time I see someone use "typer". I know the person using that word had to A) Ignore auto-correct and B) Kill their English teacher. The correct word is typist. You are a fast typist. You type very fast. A fast typist can type very fast.

Moving on: I have no idea if this is a qualification or not. Most commands are 7- to 8-letters and maybe a tab or two, there is not a huge need for a blazing-fast response time. In fact if we judge typing speed based on Mr. Merks' in-game replies you could probably get away with holding a pencil in your mouth and hammering out a sentence every minute or so.

COMPLETELY IGNORED ANYTHING YOU TYPED AFTER "NOT AFK VERY OFTEN"
LAUGHED UNTIL I RUPTURED SOMETHING.
PLEASE REPHRASE.​

Thank you for not being AFK sometimes! This entire section talks about how important it is to respond to people... but you open it by saying you won't be around. The irony is so thick I could smelt it into high-quality ingots.

Perhaps try a different header? Maybe something like "Attentive"? "Multi-Tasking"? "Aware", "Omniscient", "Task Focused", "Situationally Present"...?

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"Knowledgeable: I would like to consider myself knowledgeable"
Fix this, please. Do not disqualify yourself in your own qualification.

Read this out loud to someone and see if you can get through the whole thing without stopping for air.

You have too many topics crammed together. This starts with general knowledge of the server, then detours through studying the rules, importance of staying updated, timely punishment, correctly punishing players, educating new users and enforcing legal trades.

You are one clown short of a circus performance. What is your message here?! Focus on a subject, please?

This is pretty good, +1. Slight rambling issue.

Also the word you were looking for is "collage". Your school project was a collage of images, Michael.

Filler. It can't hurt to be friendly to everyone. However you can do this all day long as a regular player. For every example you gave (new players asking about /bal, etc) you can do the exact same thing as a normal user of the server. How does having access to the /ban command change this?

Replace your "Friendly" section with this one. Being friendly isn't a requirement to effectively manage people (although it helps). However being patient is a massively overlooked characteristic and needs to be highlighted more often.

+1 for a nice trait. Be careful towards the end, it sounded like you were veering into describing "impartial" instead of patience.

Hours look good, although my eyebrow went up at those 10-hour weekends. Don't over-commit: It is better to give a realistic minimum and then do more than everyone expects. But if you commit to a 10 hour weekend you can't ever do less. See the difference?

ARGGGGHHHHH. Why did you casually throw that chance off a cliff?

So you have experience with managing team projects and caring for large groups of rowdy children!? You just described Moderating. This job is working with the SkyBlock staff while handling a large crowd of over-excited tweens. You have experience with both of these situations but... just don't bother explaining?

She said I was great, but she might be lion.​

That was rather interesting to read. Thank you for taking the time to make an application, Michael. I had a lot of fun going through this and if you felt I was unfair at any point let me know. I would be happy to work with you on rephrasing or editing-- best of luck to you on getting promoted.

Support Status: Has The Goods
(isn't aware of it)​

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my application, and provide so many helpful suggestions. I have fixed the issues with my application that you have mentioned.

 

Support of course

 

With the current mods we need someone like michael. He listens to his mom and does his homework what y'all want. But all this community mattes is popularity.. Thats why we have come to this point.

 

no support.

 

Edit no support come moderate on my server bb

Jk

 

idk, how is he as mod? idk he just doesn't seem active, might be wrong but eh. i can change to support if he's good.

 

support, but you should improve your activeness a little bit more

 

He's not a mod on my server I was just kidding.

 

Changing to support. Good luck

 

I will try to improve on my activity. Currently I am having to take care of my neighbor's farm until Monday, so I don't have a whole lot of free time. My activity should increase next week.

Thanks

 

I'll go ahead and say partial support. You are very helpful and mature, I would just like to see you a bit more active. I wish you the best of luck

 

Thank you for the feedback