Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.

 

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oh, wait
Violets are Violets
screw you

 

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you
The roses are wilting
The violets are dead
The sugar bowl is empty
And so is my bed

 

The funniest joke ever is considered to be this : Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies, "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

 

I love that joke even though I've heard it before

 

hehehehehe
this made me laugh more than it should have

 

how many babies does it take to paint a house red

depends on how hard you throw them