Hey, guys.

It's been a while since I had an introduction (yes, I have had multiple ones) and looking over at people's introductions made me want to do one aswell. I feel as if I've changed since the previous thread I made about myself, so why would this be out of place?


I guess I'll mix my personal and skyblock information and have no particular structure in this, but here we go.

My name is Patrick, known as Akrill, or perhaps as Cryo, and I'm a 17 year old male. I am Swedish with genes of many regions flowing in my blood. I am a 50% authentic peruvian indian, from my father's side, which I find cool. My other side, from my mother, is blue blood from Russia (a couple generations further back). Royal blood, which I also find pretty cool.

I am a very cynical and cold hearted person. I don't think it comes as a surprise to many of you when I say this, as I don't really try to hide this. I don't believe a lot of people have a good intention, I feel people's egocentric desires and it this feels like a poison. There are only a couple of moments in which I can remember being happy and having this... "poison"... wiped out of my mind. One being the night that I got together with my current girlfriend, DerpyHooves or Murmaid_ ingame. I don't remember much on how it happened (or what date it was, RIP anniversary) but I remember feeling careless and extremely overjoyed, as if nothing mattered. The history of friendship goes very far back, but the relationship has lasted for around 9 months, from what I can remember. When I first met her, I didn't think much of it. I was in a relationship at the time and she was just one of my Skyblock friends (yes, this is an internet relationship, but a legit one. So if you got an issue with that, go f*** yourself) and we just hung out, talked and played about whatever. The friendship started around the point of when I got promoted and joined the staff team, at which point I got a fanclub founded in my honour, which was kinda odd since I wasn't used to that kind of attention, and Murmaid being a member of it.
Time went by, days turned into weeks, weeks into months and my relationship crumbled by the day. I always felt insecure with her whenever she went away with friends, or worried. There was at this point in time that I first began to feel the "poison". I felt my mind being overtaken by paranoid theories and deception, until one day when all my worries were wiped away.
She was a backstabbing and cheating... well yeah, you know.
I felt betrayed. Alone. Mad. Sad. Chaotic. Voidless (yes, you who I have added on NA on League, yes. This is where it came from). I felt beyond empty. I did not know what to do. I had now lost all faith in the good will of humans on this earth. People who put their own selfish desires and wishes before the ones they were meant to give everything for.
I gave her my everything, and I was spit out on the cold deserted floor with my heart and my mind left in nothing but pulverized ruins. My very existance felt pointless and I was scarred for what feels like an enternity. Today, when I look back and when I take a moment to try to feel what I once felt, I can find nothing more than pain. And my anger is once again woken up, burning hotter than any depth of hell could ever come close to.
For the longest of time (or so it felt), this thirst for revenge, for some sort of quench could not be satisfied by anything.

Nothing extinguished my ravaging mind. Nothing.

But then something amazing happened.
I got to know a girl who was different. She was nothing like anyone I have ever known. When I talked to her, I felt calm. She was nothing like what I have ever encountered before. She was everything I needed, everything I had to have. Everything that I could not ever see myself live without. And so I fell in love with the girl I am currently together with. Murmaid_, or Sophie.
I did not know what to do, what to say or how to act when I saw her name popping up on my screen. I felt stunned by her presence. I don't know for how long I was in love with her before I had the courage (or tiredness, as it was extremely late at night) to ask her to be mine.
First one to know about this was Moonlight_Pixels. I believe she knew about this before Sophie knew, but I may be wrong. My memory from that time is not the strongest. She is the reason I ever considered going for Sophie. So thank you, Lucy, for helping me out so much.

So in a short summary (trust me, I could go on forever about this); after a couple of weeks or months, after falling for her, I decided to give it a go.
I remember my fear taking over, my fear of getting denied. I forced myself to give it a go, and the result was much greater than I would ever have imagined. She confessed that she felt the same way.
Shocked, I asked (or shouted); WHAT?! REALLY?! HOW LONG?!
She couldn't remember, but that did not matter the slightest.
For the following months, we kept close contact every single awake second. Phone buzzing? OH s***, IT MUST BE SOPHIE. Phone lighting up? OH s***, IT MUST BE SOPHIE. Phone dying? OH s***, WHAT IF SOPHIE TEXTS ME.
I love her more and more by the day, and I could not wish for a greater girlfriend.

So yeah, that's that.


The day I got promoted, I woke up to a notification on the forums. Most from threads I replied to and what not, and one from Crew. I was really surprised and I expected him to post a reply saying I unfortunately was not selected for the position.
His reply was anything but.
I jumped on the PC and wanted to do some moderating.

The first person to greet me was Zambiana and some players.
I felt really welcomed (note that these were very different times, when the community was as close as it could possibly have been) and I wished to do my very best.
Instantly I was bashed by some donors who were extremely upset with me, a completely unknown greenbean, being chosen over them. I was told I did a shitty job and did everything wrong. I felt my motivation crumbling. I felt useless.

Zamb (yes, Zamb. I won't call you Sean. You're just not Sean. You are and forever will be called Zamb) was on at the time, lashed out at these donors and put them to their place.
From this moment, I always considered him my mentor. He was the one to go to when you felt insecure, or unsure. Him, and Matilda. They were my father and mother figures in this community, and still are.
I have yet to see kindness and genuin personalities as they have shown me.
It was devastating when Zamb got demoted, and extremely sad when I realized Matilda wasn't coming back.

Zamb, you have shown me that you can't be pushed around. That you have to stand your ground.
You had the authority that was legendary at that time. Matilda, you (although you may never read this) have showed me what love and sympathy is. I can never get close to what you felt for everyone, I just can't. But what you have demonstrated... It completely destroyed my narrowminded view on the death of love on this planet. People do care, but there aren't many that are able to show it or possess that privelege.

You two are the people I have the highest of respect for. I owe a lot to you.


Months went by, team became frustrated, issues were showing their presence and people from the old staff team vanished, one after the other.
I felt alone again. I felt as if the people who replaced the missing staffmembers were strangers and that I could never bond with them as I did with the previous set.
And it's true. I never could.

Do not get me wrong. I am not saying you are bad people, I can assure you that I am not.
You are all wonderful. I am the one who can't let go of the past. I can't erase the memories of what has happened. And the frightening truth that it never will happen again.
This server's staffteam was my second family. I could never seek something that was that great again.
Xelnagahunter you are one of the ones I remember the most of, along with Zamb, Matilda, Snozzlebot, Soulskilledu. If you have been forgotten, please pardon me. I don't mean to leave anyone behind.

You all were people I could speak freely to. I didn't have to worry about being judged or laughed at or being made fun of. You were the best of the best, and please, never forget it.
Thank you so much for everything.


My scars from my destroyed relationship were still holding a firm grip on my mind and heart. It sent me into a deep depression and it held me with an cold iron grip. It still does.
As school began putting more and more demands on me, the depression prevailed and literally f***ed me up. Everywhere I looked was darkness. I could not sleep, I could not talk, I could not be at peace for a single moment. At this point, I felt the urge to resign... So I did.
I missed it, though. I thought I would feel relieved, but instead I felt empty. I didn't realize how big part of my life the skyblock community had taken. I felt the realization that I had made a mistake.

School was over. I felt better. I got meds for my disorder and life seemed to remove its choking grip around my neck. I wanted to reapply, but was unsure of what would happen. I know that CypriotMerks was a good admin, and an even better friend. But I didn't know.
While I was gone, things were changed. Commands and perks removed. I didn't like that.
I especially didn't like what had become of the team.
All I saw and heard were conflicts. People resigned after me, people told me they didn't feel comfortable.

The family image I once had was shredded.

I hated this fact.

So I reapplied. I asked Cypriot for my rank back, which included all servers (with the exception of mineverse). So far I've only gotten my .Net rank back (goddammit Cyp) and I miss my beloved /vanish (granted to me by both Crew and Cyp). I wanted, and still do, to turn around this team.
For a good while I have been working on issues risen up by staffmembers, and ex-staffmembers alike. I am in the middle of a huge revamp which will hopefully do its job.
I know that it won't automatically mean that it will be what it once was, but atleast it will be a step on the right path.
I have requested Zamb's assistance for this, and hopefully this will be done in a near future.
*CoughCypGiveMeMySModBackOn.OrgAndHellblockTyCough*

Two random facts of me that should close this up.

1. I am suffering from insomnia. I can not sleep, even if I lay in bed with curtains down and utter silence. I always urge to get up and do something, since my mind will not allow me rest.
I am writing this instead of going to bed and preparing for work tomorrow morning.

2. I once wished Noobcrew a merry christmas using /st (staffchat) and he replied with: "Merry Christmas, Akrill "


That's it, I guess.
I am sorry for all this personal mumbo jumbo but this is an introduction thread? The point is to get to know me, right? Hopefully, now you can realize why I am the way I am.
I am a f***ed up person. I know that I am, and there is nothing wrong with it.
I have someone to look at. Someone who makes me think and feel that... It will all be ok. It will be fine one day.

I am Akrill. Do not f*** around with me.





P.S. I have a third random fact! I almost bursted into tears three times, while writing this. I don't even.
P.P.S This for you, Torik.
Terrick griefed my island once and got banned for it. What a scrub.

 

Hey akrill :3

 

I love this introduction so much. You are one of the coolest people I have ever met. We need to talk more.

 

Still reading.

 

THIS.

 

*tries to stifle a tear*

 

Hai

 

Omg this intro is amazingg, hi akwill c;

 

This is one of the most amazing things I have ever read, Akrill you may be mad and crazy at times, But you are one of the nicest and funniest guys I have ever met, I hope you find happiness soon

 

This is beautiful.. I'm hoping to go online if my computer allows me to today.

 

The title is just a slight understatement. (So was that sentence )

Wonderful introduction thread, I feel like I know you a lot better now

 

All I can say is, wow...

 

You are literally one of the people I look up to most.

 

I feel like many, many people can relate to this. You just kind of represent the community in one account, and you're the iconic figure that anyone can and should look up to. I'm sure if we penetrate that cold heart, we'll find some warm, beating pulse, no matter how small. I went through depression and before (as many people here have), and I believe everyone, no matter how lost, still have that warmth deep in them, as I found that I did.

 

f***ed up is the last thing you are. You're a truly amazing person and you're good at what you do. Ignore the haters, ignore those who don't care. There are 7 billion people in this world, most of which don't give a s*** about you, me, or anyone else here. But we can't let that hold us back, think about and stay with those who do care, they are the ones meant to impact your life. I'm one of those people, and always will be. I care about you, and everyone else in this community. #HatersGonnaHate

 

Wonderful introduction. I know you a lot better now. You're an unique person, I realized that a long ago. But I expected nothing like that. I've looked up to you from a long time ago. The times when you wrote all hail Krill on my jukebox-I still have that. When I called Livvy to handle a bridge and you showed up. I once again was gladly surprised. And no, I didn't take friendpics with you . I'm glad to build you something, you mean a lot to me from the old days (for me). Kinda like a role model. But not really at the same time. I wouldn't have the courage to say the randomest things in chat, like you do. You're not scared to express your opinion. That's why I like you. I'm glad to be able to do something for you.

 

tl;dr
hi

 

Nothing about me, you fruit.

 

lol I almost cried while reading it, if that makes you feel better? XD

Uhm, I wasn't around during "the old skyblock" or "the old mod family", but I've heard good things. I'm glad you have good memories of them.

I understand the troubles of letting go of the past. The future is a dark and terrifying place of unknowns, while the present is usually a flurry of chaos and ridiculous ups and downs. Often times all we have to cling to is the memories of when everything seemed so perfect, at least compared to what's happening in the moment. It makes it easier though if you don't think about it as a replacement. This isn't the old skyblock that you knew and loved, and it never will be, but you will always have that skyblock in your memeories, and hopefully you can hold onto the friends that are still around from that time.

Consider this as the new skyblock, which can be equally as great and loved just as much (while not replacing the old skyblock). I hope that makes sense, I don't always make sense at 2:30am.

I usually think of the org staff team as a family. Though I'm certainly not opposed to including the members of the net and hellblock staff into that picture. Opening your heart is a terrifying thing to do sometimes, but nothing worth getting isn't worth a risk or two. Get know the new staff Akrill.

Anyway, hope I get the chance to talk to you more. And *cough* join us on org *cough*.