♠ ♤ Myrmidous [Replies Will Be Blunt] ♤ ♠

So this is where the cool kids hang out.​

DISCLAIMER: All of the following is true and may cause offense if you watch Fox News a lot. Or if you generally don't care about anything past your local grocery store. You were warned.

Name: Myrmidous
(origin): Greek plural of "myrmidon", the soldiers hanging around with Achilles murdering people in the face for ten straight years at the Trojan War. Now you have something new to say at parties when you want to sound interesting.

Occupation: Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO), United States military. Full time father, part time punching bag, sometimes humor columnist.

Family members: Myrmwife, Myrmdaughter, small colony of Toxoplasma gondii.

Likes: Subtle jokes, politically incorrect subjects, intelligent people, horrible puns, daughter

Dislikes: Willful ignorance, abusing the helpless, literal dictators and the recent "oh lolz tl;dr ily " attitude I'm seeing lately.

Exposition:
I am the freely elected King of a small country called Seen It All. I wasn't impressed with it. I've been in the military longer than most of these forum's users have been alive and nearly every week of it was a new lesson in patience. Four different combat deployments have shown me the worst (and best) of how humans treat each other. I've personally met God twice in the weirdest places imaginable and I know that She loves checkers.

I'm luckier than a cheating leprechaun holding five aces at a Pokemon tournament. I can prove it: The most frustrating, beautiful, exasperating, opinionated, weirdest woman to ever live agreed to marry me. I built the Sun in my toolshed for her as a honeymoon gift.

We have a daughter that thinks the word is pronounced "a-dork-able" and truly believes we're the only family that knows the name of the moon. She loves spaghetti, stuffed animals and fart jokes and I will write that on my tombstone some day.

Online I will completely ignore you unless:
A) You directly talk to me with a request or comment.
B) Something you said in general chat is truly insightful and/or stunningly hilarious.
C) You post something so monumentally boneheaded I must turn it into humor or I'll explode.

I hold a 154 rating on a Cattell Culture Fair test and have never had to study or work for anything related to academia. I was a raging snob most of my younger life until I was blown up in Afghanistan and dragged into a bunker by a guy who couldn't count to "potato". These days I try to limit myself to mocking those members of society who are truly without worth or merit: Reality show stars.

I secretly love children's cartoon shows but hide it from the other military sergeants. Shh.

 

This server needed someone as ceaselessly sarcastic (but also mature because you're an adult...) as you.
Welcome.

 

You're clearly a legend.

 

Hi. :]

 

Hello

 

First; Family goals right there. Second; Come visit org sometime. Third; How is your personality so perfect. That is all.

Oh and welcome c;

 

Just in awe with this man. :asshat: Love you too babe!!

 

You sound like me so far.

 

Warm welcome to you my friend. I will always admire your witty words. The server needs more humorous (Look I spelled it right are you proud?) people like you.

 

We love you to dear. I hope you had a wonderful New Year.

 

Hands down best intro I've seen so far.
I can never get tired of your jokes.

 

I hear them 24/7 hun. . .I am so used to them lol.

 

Best intro Ive read in a while. Like most of the people here cough ^, I absolutely love your sense of humor c':

 

He is awesome. . .one reason why I married him.

 

YOU SIR ARE A LEGEND

 

This is the best intro I've read so far.

Welcome to skyblock forums; the home of weirdness.

 

Hiya~

 

I probs should just talk liek this just 2 annoy u lolz.

Anyway, hello and welcome to the forums!

 

Potato is a big number. You remind me of my uncle. Honestly I can't say whether or not if that's a compliment. But you seem pretty funny so welcome. xD

 

oh my god, you said you liked your daughter but you didn't mention your wife