Life has not been easy for me, and I guess that's why I started drinking at such a young age like I did, while I was drunk I was happy and that's wrong. I hate myself and I have let that hate slip out onto other members. I feel like crap 24/7 and it hurts me that I pushed my hatred onto someone else. I will not tag anyone, people will read this if they want.

During August is my brothers birthday, the stuff that goes through my mind during August should have me in some kind of mental institution. But it just does not get easier and I would hoped with age I would adapt and it would hurt less. But it hurts more and theirs not one day that goes by where I'm happy. I took up other things to take my mind off the pain, building on .org or just relaxing with Keeper and reading her spam that she sends me.

No one in real life knows how much I'm hurting, none know that I debate between suicide on a daily bases and that I have so much hate for the life I live. No one asks and no one cares. I have everything I want in life, besides happiness and it's true, money cannot buy it.

Over the past months blaq has made me feel like utter crap, it got to the point where if he was on I would leave and my inactivity started with this. He's like that bully in school that wont leave you alone, makes you hate school when you love it. I'm not sure if he realized what he was doing but whenever I said something he disagreed with it and started an argument. All I wanted to do was help and he stomped on it.

Now it's petty if I get sad over this, but in the end it was everything that I said that he argued with, even things that should have been implemented he argued to the point where I lost all care in the world for it.

The worst part is I lost my temper at Gemma, one of the best Moderators, she was just in the line of fire as I lost it all. What I said to you I did not mean, that was never meant to come out. I was hurting, I should never have said what I did but I had nothing else to lose. I was on the edge already. It was not meant for you.

Last night I said I was leaving, it seems everyone assumed Skyblock, well you were wrong. If it wasn't for Keeper I don't think I would be here today, and while I hate being alive, I would hate pushing my sadness on my family. Because it would kill my mum.

But yes, that's the story behind my demotion, I love Skyblock, I really do. But a small group made it nearly unplayable and made me feel like crap with every single thing I posted. This is also the reason I resigned from Mineverse, in hopes that I could sort myself before it escalated. I failed.

I don't feel appreciated, I have no one to vent my anger and sadness to and I personally feel like I serve no purpose.

 

I am sorry it has been this way for you. If you need anything please talk to me

 

Zambiana I forgive you. You may have said some things but I forgive you about it. Don't let those people bring you down, they're just people who wanna be you...

 

Sean... I know you don't know what to say, but you know I'm going to keep messaging you until you say something.

 

I'm sorry for all the crap you are going through right now. Trust me that if I could kill your unhappiness, i would. I am just not the best at making people feel better...
Just know that there is no rainbow without the rain, hence however long the storm goes on.

may yo future be filled with a brighter path
and also unicorns because y nawt.

this probably didn't help much...

 

Sean, sweetheart, You're NOT alone.. You have Keeper, you have me, you have your Love. We are ALL here for you.

 

I literally cried.
I am not even kidding.
It means a lot, I understand.
Inbox me.

 

Wow. Sean it gets better. No matter what, so whatever you do forget those people that bring you down. Ignore those haters.

 

Get well soon I'll pray for u a lot I support you

 

I'm sorry to hear about everything that's happened to you. I wish you the best and I wish to assist you in any way possible. <#

 

Well Zambi.
I hope you feel better about everything, it's saddening too know that a person you know, a friend has thoughts like that.
If you ever wanna talk, just inbox me. ;p

 

Also, I'd like to apologize for being sarcastic.
I should have kept my mouth shut and tried to understand other people's situations better.

 

I understand how it's hard for you to make peace with other Skyblock community members, especially if it seems like they're completely wrong (and perhaps they ARE wrong), but I truly believe that it would be best to settle matters in a calm, peaceful way. I'm sure you can get the opportunity to be part of our amazing staff team again.

P.S. I also forgive you for the rudeness you've exhibited, I understand that sometimes you cannot help it. I also have anger issues, so even though I cannot fully understand it, I know what it feels like.

 

I never talked to you a lot but I appreciate the work you did and how you tried to help the server. I am sorry for the hurt that some of us have caused.

 

Do you know how strong you are for posting this? I haven't had your demons but i have my own and alot of them I've been through hell and i'm 15,I just wish you happiness and i hope to put a smile to your face,if you need anything pm me

 

I'm only going to comment on this. I have no opinion toward anything else.

I don't know what may have happened in private but from the two public events I know you are referencing, I can guarantee that blaq had every right to say what he did. While he may have exploded a little too fast, that does not change how you played into the problem, showing up out of nowhere asserting your opinion on him. To try and condemn blaq entirely for that is just incomprehensible.

 

message me on skype. I will help you as much as I can.

 

We all have our own inner demons some are bigger and stronger then others. Its a terrible thing when people want to see the worst in you. I think you will find there are a lot of people here for you though not a lot understand, but many want to help. I know i am really silly a lot of the time, but if you ever need someone to talk to or just vent pm me or skype anytime (james Hines my profile pic is a sock) Not all of us have a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow some only have a small coin, but you got to fight for that coin nonetheless.

 

Sean, you have brought order and "law" upon people, that is a skill many people have not acquired, in doing this, one must be balanced and one bad day should not bring you rich bottom. Keep your head high, MOST of the sky block community will always be willing to have you back

 

Rise what is funny here?