I already know what it is mate, saying that you'd prefer necrophilia over someone is about one of the worst insults you can get.

 

Exactly that's what I meant. Ok lol I get it.

 

5 Reasons Your Insults Suck
By Myrmidous | March 9, 2017 | Suggested listening: Megadeth - Angry Again


There seems to be quite a lot of anger floating around in the hatemosphere lately. Even a brief glance through social media is like taking a turn in a vomit-filled teacup ride. Not to mention every third person I run into seems to believe their entire life is a rehearsal for an upcoming wacky sitcom. Seriously, Chad, you don't need to practice your best "bazinga" lines in every conversation some of us just want a cup of coffee, Jesus.

But just like the local swimming pool there are layers to the filth we're wading around in. The surface insults and casual brush offs are easy to ignore, sure. But every now and then our foot comes squarely down on a truly vile piece of effluent: Something (or someone) that has taken what it means to insult others and boiled it down into the fundamentals.

That person is easy to spot because they know...

#5. Swearing ≠ Insulting

Fear the OwlCat​

Good thing you were born free or I'd be asking your parents for a refund.

Everyone learns at a young age that potty words draw a reaction from people. Likewise some things are just taboo to say to others and provoke an angry response. But putting that together with truly insulting someone is demonstrating complete ignorance of the subject. You're a child looking at a chess game and wondering why there are so many pieces.

Swearing is about communicating. Without communication you can't insult. Take a moment and start shouting every swear you know (ed. note: do not do this in school) and you will quickly find you're not really saying anything. Doing this in the presence of someone else might even give them the idea you're slightly insane, Chad.

The most articulate people are generally the best at the insult game. This is because they have experience at phrasing things in a way that can be easily understood. This helps tremendously because...


#4. All Good Insults Have A Point

I see what you did there.​

Randomly spouting observations like Karl Childers can be funny, sure. But the important part is not to be pointless. Going completely off topic with a hurtful comment robs it of any impact-- we were talking about the weather, Chad, nobody cares about the zippers you were licking last night.

What's the goal of the insult? Is this meant to kill a conversation, change the topic, get someone angry, entertain others? What sort of reaction is expected? Despite what sitcoms want you to believe casually slurring someone just because you can is a very rare thing in real life. Something happened to deserve the comment.

Online behavior is a different animal; most people comment simply to amuse themselves or others. Which is fine-- we all expect your average thought to be worth a cream stained tube sock-- but people with a goal will always stand out. Better insults come from having a valid point.

And there is no easier point to hit than...


#3. The Truth (Or Close Enough) Is Ruinous

No, bro. You can't buy that hipster.​

There's a reason watching a roast of someone is hilarious. Because everything in the insults is true... or close enough. That little bit of truth-y edge is what really makes the knife twist. Something that mentally cutting makes people bleed for days before being found dead in the failgutter.

Personalized insults are the worst (or... best?). They are also the most reprehensible to take advantage of. Someone taking a detail about you and mocking it can be worse than getting an unlubed catheter jammed into your pee hole. Yes, I am aware that shot was uncomfortably close for you, CatsLock. Everyone recognizes when the insults get personal things are serious-- that's where the phrase "it's getting real" comes from.

The flip side to this is insulting something that might be true. This is where the entire High School experience goes to die: Every type of "Yo momma", "You're so poor" and "ur gay" insult can be found stumbling around here. These sorts of things are short lived because they rely on everyone being insecure in exactly the same way-- for example insulting someone for being poor doesn't work if everyone is living in Detroit. (Please no kill me Kerahna)

And you want a good slam to be something everyone relates to because...


#2. Insults Are For The Audience

...and then SHE said "It just came that way!"​

Who stands in a room with just one person and insults them, Chad? It would be easier to just sucker punch them in the taint and get the show started. There is absolutely zero need to throw a snappy zinger if the only person capable of hearing it A) Doesn't care about your awesome insult and B) Will never tell anyone. If you hate them enough to go toe-to-toe then we are way past the "verbal" part and moving straight into a full on chicken dance.

Knowing the audience for the insult is pretty fundamental. The core of every put-down is always based on the culture it lives in. Fat jokes are a good example: Telling someone St. Peter said to lay off the Golden Arches just isn't effective if your audience believes being overweight is a sign of wealth. It just sounds like a bizarre compliment.

Finding that common thread everyone understands is what turns a weak verbal slap into a monstrous beating.

If this is starting to sound a bit over-thought and "formulaic" that might be because...


#1. It's All About Humor

​

We all want to laugh. At ourselves, at others, at the sheer crazy stupidity that somehow ended up as a President. Insults are just taking that urge to laugh with people and weaponizing it against others. This is why the best comedians are also the equivalent of unstable dynamite when conversations go bad-- they understand what makes funny work and that knowledge can get misused.

As a group humans are pretty awful to each other. Everything that could be good about life we somehow end up pushing into a giant bonfire while dancing gleefully around covered in feces. There's no need to make life worse for other people but somehow the urge to break out the brown-colored facepaint can just get overwhelming.

There are good reasons to insult someone. But make sure there actually is a reason and you're not just wishing you were Heath Ledger, Chad.

Because we hate you, man.​

 

mk, enough with the ''blank than talk to you''

 

"You’re like the first slice of bread: Everyone touches you but no one wants you"

 

Thats actually a good one

 

I see you work in a dump, it must be nice having constant family reunions.

 

are you hot topic? because i feel uncomfortable when im near you

 

ur face!!1!1!!1 ha ha roasted!!

 

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

 

bowl of melted ice cream.

 

alright
so heres a few insults that go around my table:

"You are so fake, you make Barbie look real"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, god made me pretty, what did he do to you?"
"You smell like poop and look like dirt"
insults that people say to me.

 

Your girlfriend must be desperate....

 

If you were a rare pokémon, I still wouldn't throw a pokéball at you

© 2017 Clxrity, skyblock forums, do not sue if insult causes severe damage to your ego

 

Yo mama so fat, she uses the highway as a slip n slide





That'll be 20 dollars plus tax

 

I thought the face from the crazy maze game was bad. Boy was I wrong.

Now I know why your mirror broke.

 

Insults are meant to be personal. Insulting someone's race is petty and low. Going straight for the jugular and discrediting everything they have done is a better insult than a horrid one-liner joke that people laugh at. When you insult people, you want them hurt. None of this petty schoolyard nonsense.

 

"Ya flippin turdsack." :/

I have never insulted anyone before (except for my younger siblings, if you call teasing insults, which I actually understand how you might think that), but I use variants of this phrase on certain video game characters, so I guess that counts. I also use the phrase "hush, child" or a mix of the two said phrases. Although I've never tried using the word "turdsack-child" before. It does sound kinda funny. XD

 

u a poo poo