I've been writing lots of stories in English, so I thought I'd send you chapter 1 of my latest story, Dead Superstars! NOTE: Sorry if you find a couple of references offensive, e.g: autism or bipolar. Please give me feedback, it's much appreciated.
Although, there are a few mistakes in this that are confusing, plus the autism part is (personally) offensive d:
You wanted feedback, here's feedback. Putting the age of everyone is really irritating. It's repetitive, and no one really cares, you can slowly add in information in the later chapters. Also, for numbers under 100, typing it out is much better than typing the numbers, it looks lazy and just bad. There was no buildup, and all that stuff was too sudden and unrealistic. You say these characters are like seventeen or so, but they feel more like thirteen year olds. All they're doing is just yelling at each other, and it really doesn't show maturity. And whatever boyfriend Khloe has is a complete and utter moron.
