I will mail you a portable house party to your house at 3 am, waking up your parent resulting in a jackie chan styled spanking session

Or Grandparents
I can't remember

Grandparents. And the way you wrote that sounds way too suggestive for it to not be Japanese.

Dude. I came home today after six days with the army. During a period of that week, we had two full days we spent out in the woods. Set up camp and had to defend it at all times against teachers/ militaries.
So I got no sleep for 40 hours.
And oh my God, I got so scared. I started hallucinating. I saw a f***ing giant standing infront of me. And it changed every time I blinked. Like dafuq