Need to find a beat, and I may rap it out in the future. keeper_of_flame I know you wanted to see it, I think. x)
It's not your typical rap though, it's not meant to rhyme constantly, it's meant to hit the heart with basic rapping, I know I can edit this proper and make it like a 'real rap' but I feel like it has it's own personality.

----

Just gonna head off to the cemetery, Gotta drop these flowers for my brother off,
This is isn't a memory, feel for my mother, this ought to be a dramatic movie,
The pain wont go away with a light of a doobie, hella pissed, neglected and trashed,
Issues after issues, seems like I've run outta tissues, sleeve will do, they ain't gonna leave.

While I'm here, I'm going to spend some time with Jessica, gone to soon,
Pray to God and ask him why he took someone so beautiful,
I'll curse his name, not gonna go to church, because that s*** hurts,
my life isn't needed, pop that s*** on twitter, quote whatever I say, I wont stop, 'til my lyrics are on Facebook,
I shouldn't even need to plead it, I'd give it all to see you smile again, in the flesh.

I'm not a thug or a troublemaker, I'm just someone who hurts and cannot express,
myself without swearing.. because life cursed at me when I was born,
Torn at the fact I will never do right, crying myself to sleep at night,
Why should you be sympathetic, some have it worse, most don't deserve all the s*** they go through,
Wait, what we go through, opposite to most of you, but similar to some of you.

Wish I could have the past back, so I could just maybe chill in it for a few minutes,
Jumping over fences, tripping over benches, sitting around while we wait for your mum to make us breakfast,
The pancakes with syrup, never afraid to over do it.. I mean you only live once right,
Your once wasn't long enough.

I have almost everything I have ever wanted, besides being able to truly smile,
I used to when I was like 7, out in the sun, acting like a crocodile, gonna snap,
But I cannot, if I could take it all back, I'd be different, where's the fun at?

I remember back in the ninth grade, I was told to commit suicide, I honestly wanted to die,
Abused for being sad just seemed off, no one helped every motherf***er just watched,
Didn't talk s*** to me on the regular, you just sat around and watched,
I think my shoes aren't walkable, it'd be to much for someone to handle,
sometimes I don't even think I can do it, I'm 21 and I'm rather dumb, I should be over depression,
I honestly will never ever learn the lesson, my life will always be a drought of happiness.

Kick me while I'm down, you won't ever change the frown, the frustration,
Nothing in life makes me happy, call it a Saturday, I won't be out partying,
I'll be by myself, with a knife just debating this life, something makes me stay,
I cannot tell if that's a good thing, or a bad thing, life has been s*** since May.

Throw me in a pool with my self-pity, and I'll drown, over the moon,
I have so much raw talent, yet I suppress it, I could be something great,
I just embraced it, I am so used to being hurt, that it's normal,
I don't want to be famous, I just wanted a partner and to live peacefully,
By God that shouldn't be to much to ask, it really isn't a big task.

Remember the time that we went down by the mall, passback found some money,
Really wanted to buy you lunch, but you made me cash it, you were always like that,
So good and generous, I learnt from you, but sometimes I hate it, I wanted to show you,
That you deserved better, something someone else cooked, something that wont get you hooked,
Thanks for everything you taught me, in my mind forever.

How it hurts, rush for the hearse because I have nothing more to say,
But I really feel like I'm at the end, like I'm going to die,
I really cannot hold these tears in, I'm gonna cry,
Don't you worry bub, I'll ride until I f***ing die, I'm an atheist, but Gods telling me,
He's tellin' me s*** will get better, just gotta hold on.

Was with ya from the very beginning, I'll do everything to protect you,
No matter how many f***ers I have to kill, you though, you know how I feel,
Just imagine how my mother feels, couldn't express my feelings for us when you were here,
I ain't got any real friends, why is life without you so rough? Thanks for the support.

What if, we could have it all back, and we back to under the track, writing raps,
I mean we could have been great, made so many mixtapes, you were the only one,
The only one to be able to outryhme, the greatest, myself and the brightest,
Why the f*** are people smiling, we got nothing to smile about, f***ing hate them,
My frustration, and I feel like I'm on the edge, I'd do anything to be with you,
to be able to ride with you, throw it all away, have my money, have my clothes,
I don't need 'em, I need you, all I need is you, your family is in my will, I'll make sure they keep decent meals.

If roles were reversed and I was gone, you'd be far from giving up, guess I'm weak,
But I feel you boo, ain't nothing worth giving into, so now you know..
My story, and know what I'm going through, here's my shoulder, lean on it boo, I know exactly what you're going through,
I'll be there for you, 'cause you was there when we was nobodies.

I'll miss you, we got a pact, and I'll never forget that, no matter what s*** I go through,
I promised you, when I was crying at your grave, that I'll ride, I'll ride,
just until I know you're happy, you still live in me, you're my shine, so let's f***ing shine.

 

This is way too long to read without a beat, I'd like to read it while there is a beat so I could "sing along".

 

Uhmm

 

Amazing.
You have talent. Nearly cried reading this, oops.

 

This is amazing.
Just honestly awesome.
Also, incredibly personal, something I wouldn't be able to share.
*Almost* made me cry.
Almost.

 

*almost cried high five*

 

I can't be bothered to read it lol

 

You're missing out.
Also, that's a bit disrespectful, don't you think.
If you read it or cared, you'd understand why.

 

Ok

 

Wow Zambiana! That's amazing but also sad

 

Of course I wanted to see it. I can't believe you questioned that, even for a second.

Anyway, it's wonderful. I mean... sad, in parts but wonderful. I think you get what I mean. I hope you can find a beat, because I'd love to hear you preform it.

 

NICE but sad :.(

 

;_; Amazing job tho

 

Zam That Was Butiful
;-;
-Azzy

 

didnt read

 

This is amazing.

 

This is good stuff.

 

I think I found a beat to it, that's how I read it the entire way... So

Anyways, it's amazing, all of it. Almost made my cry. (It's really hard to get me to cry.)

 

I'm sorry for being so rude before, Zambiana. I apologise.