My depression <3

I am here for you even though you don't me that well, PM me if you ever need to talk

 

Think of something else. Cutting isn't gonna do anything. It will just make you worse, trust me. You need to stop though. I don't care how hard it is, how much effort it takes, because stopping it will be a massive achievement and a good one. I don't say I don't care because I don't care about you, I say it because you need to stop. No matter what.

 

thanks :3

I'm trying. It's not a one day recovery. It'll take time.

 

I know. But it'll be quicker if you just don't touch the blade, any blade.

 

Dying is easy, living is hard.

 

WARNING: I'm a heartless person, you can/will be offended by my next statement

 

Well What about us?? c: If you really think about it, you have tons of friends that care for and love you!

 

I'd so love to reply to what you said but I'm too busy too right now
I have time to say, that doesn't make you a psychopath..
Expect a bigger reply later.

 

Well then.
* Will edit in a hella big, truthful, reply when it's not 11pm *

 

I did give you guys a warning soo...

 

Also.
Matt. I know how you feel. I've almost tried 2 times myself, but suicide isn't the answer (as everyone says). I was in a very dark time in my life and I thought it'd never get better. But I kept myself going. Pain is temporary, but quitting is forever. Something I realized after. Remember that. Cutting doesn't help either. That's something you need to stop also.
(Sorry I'm horrible at channeling words)
Stay strong. If you need someone to talk to you can talk to me as well

 

Have you ever felt so worthless and s*** like you were nothing to this world?
Also quote on quote from you "might as well kill yourself instead of torturing yourself."
Are you suggesting someone to just kill themselves, suggesting a human to just end their life? You really need to look at yourself.
Going through the f***ing pain of depression doesn't make you a psychopath. So you're calling me one as well? Or anyone else who goes through it?

(I'm not even done with this comment.)

 

Not to be rude, as I don't want to be offensive, but, don't be selfish and think of the others around you. How they'll get hurt. How it'll affect them and not just you. And when you're dead, then you'll realize how much people love you. So it's not worth it. Look around and see that people still care.

I'm getting two scenarios of when you attempted suicide.

1. You tried it, you had a knife over your wrists, you had pills in your hand or whatever, and you threw them away. You put the knife down and started crying or did something else.

That means you WANT to live. It means you want to see change in your life, and it will eventually happen. We all go through hard times in life. Let's say you did cut your wrists, but they weren't deep enough, meaning you still want to live in this world.

Or...

2. You did cut your wrists deep, your parents found you literally dead with pills next to you, and they saved you. That tells me you did want to die, and that's not the path to go. No one wants you to die because even here, people care about you.


I never attempted suicide, but I did fall into depression, I started cutting myself. There wasn't many cuts, but there were long and short ones. Each one of them was very deep, that you can still see the marks that are left there. It got the point where I started burning myself, with a hot glue gun. I didn't feel like it was worth it, because it really isn't. One of my friends, Carolyn, helped me, and I don't suffer from depression anymore. Maybe you could find a friend you can be real close to and they can help you.


Suicide is not the way to go 3 You just have to hold on, persuade, and empower.

No one usually tells their parents what they're going through, and that's understandable because they might get mad or sad, and you don't want that. You can find people to talk to here, a lot of them are offering to help you after all.

Talk to someone, even me if you want. I might not know you very well, but I'll always listen c:

 

Also there's a national suicide hotline o.o

1-800-273-8255

 

I did give you guys a warning soo...

Would you rather die or live a life of pain?!! Its logic, either you stop living in pain or you kill yourself, and I have felt worthless and contemplated suicide, but then I looked at myself and realized,"You know what? I'm a person and I have worth, I will become something great one day, I will be strong and hurt those who hurt me, I will stand up and show those b*tches whose boss" and who are you to deny it? A psychopath is someone with no consideration of someone else's feelings or your own for that matter, if you dont care for yourself than whats the use? Now your like "Well than your a Psychopath" I may seem like a heartless person to you, but not to me, its the only way you will understand me, If I tried to explain what I am, you would not understand. That's why I label myself as "heartless." Anyways, I do not label people as "Psychopaths" because the are going through depression, you people are so narrow minded, I meant cutting yourself, thats what makes you psychopathic, hurting yourself and those around you. Now pardon me, I am getting quite angry, and that is something you never want to see me be. Have a nice F*CKING day

 

I'm not good with wording, and like Rockerz, my statements and opinions are sometimes seen as rude/cold/f***ed up/ inconciderate or whatever people like to call it.
But I do love to talk and bring up different opinions.

Now, your situation is one of the many different versions of depression.
Some find refuge in pain, which isn't that rare. I know people who do it, but it doesn't change my opinion on it.

So like many other arguments, there is always some egocentric material in it.
I'm quite severely depressed.
This isn't something I made up to get attention or show off with, it's just something that happened.
Something that both some doctors and my school therapist have concluded (both doctors and counselor have studied these types of mental illnessess).
It's a part of me (unfortunately, if I may add). It's a very bad part of me that I suffer from every day, every hour, every minute, every second.
Now, you may think "why 'quite' severely?". Well, because I've been told that it isn't an extreme form of depression (which includes suicidal tendencies) but it still brings such a big impact to my everyday life that this isn't something which just makes me feel bad. It makes living a normal life hard/ impossible.
The reason I've not been diagnosed as suicidal is because although I've been thinking about it, it's disregarded as an option.
To me, my pride is one of the few things that are left that I cherish and value a lot.
To me, suicide is nothing more than a coward's exit. A coward's escape.
To me, being a coward is out of the question. It would be giving in when you're at your weakest point.
These last three years have taught me that I am anything but.
Call me whatever you want, but I am someone who has my pride and respect valued highly.

You mentioned that you went to church occassionally after school, to pray and have time for yourself, I'm guessing.
Normally I leave religion out of this because I know people don't like it, but if you bring it up, I'm suppose I can aswell. If not, I'll remove it if you're bothered by it.
Either way, I'm a catholic.
My family are active catholics as I used to be.
Religion is one of the key components to why I haven't taken that step towards selfharming.
I want to prove to myself and to Him that I can withstand it.
I want to make Him proud, and by doing so I make myself proud.
I can't make myself do something that would make Him shake his head.
I remind myself of this daily.
And please note, I am absolutely not saying that you're a bad practicer because you've done what I haven't.
We both may have different opinions and feelings about what is right and wrong.
We both may try to seek strength in different ways aswell.

As you can tell by now, you are not alone.
I like to seek comfort in that, maybe you do too.

If you don't mind, I'd like to share what my depression does to me.

Over the course of 2-3 years it's gone from great to crap.
It creeped up slowly, and I didn't realize that it was the start of a depression. I thought it was a mere phase.
As time went by, I lost friends, gained enemies, learnt more about what life is, learnt more about what people is.
Everything started to get worse and worse, and I didn't see the point in doing things.
I didn't see the point in life, after learning more about what it was.
It's a poison.
It consumes me slowly and makes everything a joke.
It invokes hate randomly.
It's like your very soul being caught on fire and you have no way of dealing with it or knowing where it came from.
And of course, it brings you onto selfharming thoughts.
Depression is different from different people. What you feel might be miles away from what I'm feeling. Or vice versa, they might be really similar.
I, for some reason, don't have much of an issue discussing this with people over the internet. But once I try to talk with family members or close friends, it becomes impossible.
Maybe because it's easier to find and relate to people over the web, dunno.

But as many others, I don't understand how selfharming helps.
I know it's a bit contradicting, considering I've already made it clear that it's been crossing my mind aswell.
But I don't see a point in it. It's worthless. It's stacking up physical pain over the psychological pain. It's not logical.
You have already explained what it feels like, and I like the way you described it.
It made it possible for me to see what people have meant all these years.
But that doesn't mean I understand it.
It's a way of refuge, but it's not making any sense to me.


Anyway, time to wrap this up, I guess. I've been rambling on for ages and you're probably tired of hearing me, me, me. But I believe that a stage of processing is viewing how others have it.
I see how you have it, and it gives a perspective.

Bro, you're not alone.
You are one amoung many others who have it rough in life (not talking about privileged, or underprivileged people). Maybe you feel better knowing that you're not alone, or maybe it doesn't matter to you.
I feel better when I remind myself that I'm not on my own. When I'm not unique and alone with this problem.
If you still go to church, embrace that part.
When I used to attend regularly I used to find peace while being there. Gave me a break from the chaotic mess my mind is usually busy with.
Try to make yourself a promise. A promise between yourself and Him.
Promise yourself not to fall back into old habits when you're feeling down.
If you fail to keep that promise, try again, and again, and again, and again.
It doesn't matter how many times you try or fail.
If you give it your best, you're already making someone proud.

 

And let me just say something Matt, you do not need to try and get to be the center of attention by publicly announcing it. Go with the struggle by yourself, that way you will fight it and rely on you and you alone. If you depend on others than when your alone, you will die alone, you need to be your own friend to have more friends, you need to be your own bodygaurd and adviser, no one else, go through the struggle yourself and become stronger doing so. I hope you take my advice into consideration. Good Day

And Akrill let me just say... something about you convinces me that you actually have went through some deep pain... I'm not sure what, but I actually believe what you went through was hard for some reason. :/

 

It's a chemical dysfunction within your brain, it's not something you can help. You can try and overcome it though, though therapy and support. One good way of thinking about it is that it is a "black dog", you have to tame it in order to help it:

 

If it means anything,
I have and still am.
However, the quote you chose to present is not of my liking (and yes, I know it's Rockerz's).
But it's not wrong either. Atleast, I don't find it wrong.
He makes a valid point. But it's not something I would suggest anyone to do or do myself.
It's a logical statement, but at the same time not.

Ugh, it's hard.
There is no right or wrong in people's opinons about life.
Because you don't like it (not assaulting you or saying you're wrong) doesn't mean it's not valid.
Your reply felt a bit agressive, so that's why I'm bringing it up.