俺の事は。。my private square is nunyabz

It's actually （マット）Matt, but I'm not sure how many people only know my persona through my username.

Lots of my friends from over like a half of a year ago apparently are online again now, so here's to them. I’m gonna put this on a thread because Akrill made one and I really liked it lol. And if for some reason other people that I don't know are curious, they can read too, lol. Oh, and also, I obviously benefit from writing this out because it’s always good to reflect on your own perspective and story every once in a while.

Sort of a Bio/Info:
マインクラフト Minecraft stuff:

• I basically mastered the game after playing it for two years, and kind of studying it. I can probably prove that to you by wiring complex/compact redstone, looking through my old moderator logs, reversing just about any grief, breaking down any hacked client, exploiting bugs in every version of the game ... or realizing that I forgot (and I now lack) most of the technical commands to actually do any of that -- crap.
• I staffed here as a mod from like October 2012 all the way up until the summer of 2013
• I've played and completed most of the FTB mod packs, and the mod packs that came before FTB
• I probably put in something over 5000 hours into playing Minecraft

俺 Me in general:

• I'm Japanese/Korean, which is rare for my generation. A lot of Koreans still foster a strong disdain for the Japanese, and it was difficult for Japanese and Korean people to build relationships during my parent's years.
• I learned how to speak Japanese in about 7 months (just recently), although my vocabulary is very haphazardly developed
• I'm a pseudo-vegan/pseudo-hippie. Basically, I eat vegan meals, but don't abstain from animal products because that's too difficult ... and I support environmentalism, but I think that realistically it won't have much of an impact on this world society for a while
• I enjoy practicing free running (some people know it as 'parkour' even though it is different from the martial art)
• Current music interests: EDM, Chillstep, and small rappers like Dumbfoundead
• I'm a spiritual agnostic (that could be called religion ... I guess)
• I used to be completely addicted to video games, but for some reason I now don't really find any enjoyment in things other than socializing and being with other people (multiplayer games are good for that reason)
• Nothing is true. Everything is permitted. - Assassin's Creed had it right
• I'm a B-sian, not an Asian.

物語
In response to Akrill:
I, similar to you - Patrick, lived very cynically for my entire life up until pretty recently. I'm pretty sure it's because in elementary school, I was insensitive to my first and closest friend ... who ended up I guess hating me or something and apparently turning a lot of people against me. So basically, I never trusted anyone, and always saw the "evil" in humans. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I got bullied a lot throughout grades 1 through 7, and I may have unintentionally repressed those memories at some point ... then went on to just hating people and rampantly coming up with every possible way to shame their "wretched" behavior.
Unfortunately, when it comes to my "love" story so to speak ... I would definitely accuse myself of being an incredibly stupid and insensitive kid. Funny how I was very cynical about relationships all up until a particularly special girl (online just like yours) basically became my companion out of the blue. Never got the chance to meet her in person ... because it was overseas ... so perhaps a skeptic could consider it all fake --- however, emotions are emotions, and that's exactly what happened. We were talking and updating each other basically 24/7. I remember staying up super late and almost passing out just to say 'good morning' to her ... or even just to talk to her again before I fell asleep. It was the first time I felt loved, and it changed the world for me. Sadly ... I F*ed up (I say it like that because this was really, really .... really just awful). Honestly, getting into details is a bit too saddening for me to keep reflecting on, so I'll just say it basically was a very abrupt and poorly communicated breaking apart.
Oddly enough, this whole thing was timed exactly when I started having problems with depression, and stopped attending my highschool (I graduated with online classes).
This is where it kind of shifts for a bit from yours, Patrick. The reason why I F*ed up, was because I suddenly was overcome with such a huge dopamine (basically happiness) rush from this girl, that I actually ended up developing a really twisted attitude. I thought I was the best, and I could 'do better'. Looking back, I'm not even sure what 'do better' even means, other than a bunch of mangled thoughts. During that time of about 7 months, I had an experience with one girl that profusely lied to me (I'm pretty sure that's my first and only 'lovesickness'), and then another girl that had a pretty unbalanced relationship with me.
I'm not gonna name people, because this is a public forum. Sorry if it's hard to understand because the 'girls' are all so vague.
Anyways, I went to college right after all this ... college actually being the reason for why I broke off with the last girl. Surprisingly, because I had felt loved that first time ... I actually now had hope in people. That's probably the part that really breaks my heart the most, because I basically left this girl who really was the key to changing my life for the better. This hope in people actually gave me reason to keep pursuing anything in life. It's the reason why my intentions have evolved so that I try to demonstrate love for everyone. It's kind of the reason why I find any happiness in life.
I'm now done with my first year of college, which I pretty much spent entirely partying with friends. And I realized that I could ace my philosophy class without really trying because I dominate that subject ... and I'm majoring in it now.

So how exactly does this relate to your story, Patricia? Well, to put it simply, it's the fact that I learned to genuinely love everyone ... and the fact that learned a lot of that from here - online.

 

(tl;dr):
I learned a lot about life from hanging out with people online (especially from this server), and now I'm an optimist transformed from a pessimist. I made some pretty gnarly mistakes, but now I try to continue to learn from them.

 

That was beautiful ;') Anyways, hayyy

 

rly? wat prt did u lik?

and
heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
ty bb

 

I know you won't take offense to this bb

But,
the difference between you and I is the problem that I can not look past my own lies.
I am aware that I am lying to myself. I draw all these pictures of people with a handshake standing by, but with a knife hidden behind his back.
I know that in most cases, this is not true. I know that people are good (obviously this doesn't apply to everyone).

I tell myself that I do not deserve this, the made-up threats of literally everyone wishing me harm, but there is no way to not believe it.

It's like as if someone tells you something very obvious.
This water is not water. It's a bunch of rocks. You know it's not rocks. It's water. But you still choose to believe and fully accept that it's not water. It's just shitty rocks.

You grab the blue pill.


It's the only way I feel secure. But even then I have this fear clawing in my back. Whichever one I choose, that will not go away. Atleast not yet.

 

You should be an author

 

This is the reason I aced English and am taking college english next year.

 

I'm sure you'll do great at college

 

Another year until college. I'm just taking a course from that level next year.

 

Welp, I wish you both the absolute best in college. Matt, as taylor said that was beautiful. I don't actually think you know me properly.. I've had some strange conversations with you already but Hi, welcome back c:

 

Hello. Welcome . Jk :3

 

Can I please edit the title and make a pun or too inapropro

 

Hey nuny :3

 

do it

 

hi

 

Perfection doesn't exist, yo.
Being human, of course I have all of that fear in the back of my mind too. I just constantly tell myself to let go.

No matter what, we will lie to ourselves, and live in a twisted reality that we've created. I just choose to believe that nothing is real. As time goes on, I cross over these world lines - creating a new one every time.

I have no foundation. There is no pill. There is no water.

Basically, I'm a philosopher that never consistently believes in anything other than inconsistency.

 

1 v 1 me scrub

hai

 

wazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap

 

Hello

 

herro